Turns Out The Secret Villain Of ‘Avengers: Endgame’ May Be Your Bladder

Avengers: Endgame
Image Courtesy of Marvel Studios

There’s no beating around the bush, Avengers: Endgame is poised to be the movie event of the year. Maybe even the decade. Ticket sales are already through the roof, in terms of advance numbers. People waited upward of 8 hours, just to secure a spot, in some of the earliest available showtimes. That’s rather impressive for a film where little to no plot. We do know that Thanos is still the big bad here, but turns out there may be another villain too. Namely, your bladder.

The behemoth of a film currently clocks in at just over three hours. That’s enough to do a number on even those with the strongest of fortitudes. Anyone who remembers sitting through Titanic theatrically, can tell tales of the battles they fought. Unlike that swishy (and at times languid) water-set film, Avengers: Endgame may not have perfectly set moments to run off to the facilities. At least, if Marvel Studios president Kevin Feige is to be believed. On Monday he addressed the decision to forego an intermission, by sharing the following with io9:

“We are not fans of laborious lengths for no reason. We are fans of movies that you wish didn’t end. Movies that you want to see again as soon as it’s over. And movies that you just don’t ever find a good time to run out to the bathroom. That’s when a movie’s working.”

Not exactly the most ringing of endorsements. Now, what he mentioned that’s important “when a movie’s working.” In this context we can take that to mean pacing. There are numerous times where a film nearing three hours can feel like 90 minutes. Conversely, there are times a movie running 90 minutes can seem as if an eternity has passed. With the track record that Marvel has concerning their cinematic offerings, there’s no reason to believe this one will be a slog.

Listen, having too run off for a second is sometimes inevitable during a movie. Doubly so, when the feature is many many hours long. When nature calls, it’s a good idea to answer. The best advice for someone fearing the comments above: wait. Not only in terms of relieving yourself, but in actually seeing the flick in question. Avengers: Endgame will be in theaters for a while. Probably months. The benefit of waiting is using the app RunPee, which conveniently lets you know the best points to slip away at. Downside is, someone has to have seen the movie first, in order to post those notes.

The best suggestion overall, is to maybe go lighter on the snacks, this go around. Small soda and non-salty treat should do the trick. If all else fails, adopt the motto the Avengers themselves are employing, to steel your resolve: “whatever it takes”. As long as it’s socially acceptable, that is. Either way you slice it, Avengers: Endgame comes out on April 26. Plan accordingly.

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